My own version of celibacy..
At the spring equinox I made a commitment, i got married to myself and honoured it with a new tattoo.
My divine masculine and feminine combined in my heart space with a cosmic wedding and rainbow love celebration. I decided for my honeymoon to only share my sexual energy with myself. A process that had started unknowingly at winter solstice and would continue for at least 6 months until my birthday at summer solstice.
The word celibacy scared me for so long as I thought I was limiting myself somehow but with this intention it felt empowering. Although I didn’t choose to use that word to describe my process it is defiantly in that realm. I chose to use this time to fill myself up from the inside rather than from something external. I knew I would still receive the touch, nourishment and love I desire in my life but it will come in different forms.
From brothers and sisters instead of lovers and partners
From sensual touch instead of sexual
From cuddles rather than snuggles (yes there’s a difference)
My intention behind this was to take my journey of self love to the next level
To call back all of my energy from the different crushes I had been having and use it to manifest my wildest dreams.
So I sit here in reflection one month after my birthday and wow did my dreams come true!! Taking this time to be in my own energy had been one of the most powerful times of my life. I feel like I’ve gone through a huge rebirth. It’s been the most productive time for my work, channeling my energy in to new projects without any distractions, Getting to know my self on a new level, Diving deep into wounds, past attachments and beliefs around love, sex and relationships, Taking responsibility for my feelings, my self love, my nourishment, I feel like I have more discernment about who and how I want to share my energy and body, I’ve been able to clearly see and feel when a connection is purely physical or when it runs deeper, I’ve held my boundaries with ease and grace and feel totally empowered from this time focusing on myself.
As the days go past after my birthday i am wondering when a spark of a new connection may happen but where as in the past I’ve been actively seeking this to validate and complete me now it comes from a place of fullness, completeness and being whole. Petal by petal, softly and slowly opening up to the possibility of a new partner or lover in the perfect moment, But there’s also a part of me feeling fear, I can feel a bubble of protection around my heart trying to keep me “safe”, To stop me getting hurt, To keep me focused on ‘my’ path. Life in many ways is easier on my own.
But I surrender, I know no one can take me away from my path, only teach me lessons and bring me gifts. I’m staying present with my heart, I’m listening to the wisdom of my body knowing I’m guided to the perfect people, places and experiences. I’m so grateful for this gift of life and all of the magic and love I give and receive.
Gracias, Thank you, Aho